Three College Application Mistakes Students Make and How Parents Can Avoid Making Them Worse
- Dot Kowal
- Jan 21
- 7 min read
Want to share a product or service with over 6,000 parents and educators interested in executive functioning?
Is your student with ADHD or executive function challenges getting overwhelmed by the college application process and pushing you into “take over” mode?
In this post, college counselor and licensed clinical psychotherapist, Dot Kowal, shares the three common application mistakes students make and four practical ways to support your teen without becoming the default editor.
You can learn more about Dot's work at www.dotkowal.com and follow Dot on Instagram @college_with_dot
Table of Contents
I’ve walked alongside hundreds of families through the college application journey, many of them experiencing it for the first time.
The process has shifted in surprising ways over the last 13 years, but one thing never seems to change: the tension that surfaces between parents and their children as they navigate this high-stakes milestone together.
For students who have struggled with executive functioning or ADHD throughout their lives, the rite of passage that is college applications can feel like a system designed to trip them up:
endless deadlines
numerous portals
passwords
logins
multiple admissions plans (early action, early decision, restricted early action, direct admission, etc.)
supplemental essays
and more.
And that doesn’t even include expectations like standardized testing or demonstrated interest.
It’s any parent’s gut reaction to step in and take on chunks of the process…but the lines can get blurry, and the messaging to students can become counterproductive and sometimes harmful.
Below are three mistakes I see students make that understandably spike parents’ anxiety and tempt them to take over.
Following these, I’ll also share what to do instead so your child stays at the center of the process and you keep your sanity.👇
Mistake #1: Skipping the Brainstorm Phase
Most teenagers think the hardest part of college essay writing is the writing itself.
They picture the process as 90% typing and 10% brainstorming or research.
In reality, it’s closer to the reverse—brainstorming and reflection take 60–70% of the time.
Steph Curry doesn’t run onto the court for a game without practicing and warming up first.
The crucial warm-up for essays is the brainstorm:
meaningful reflection
ideating
freewriting on paper
and digging into what the prompt is really asking.
Good prompts aren’t just “answerable”; they want students to connect experiences, values, and identity in a personal way.
That takes time and more than one sitting.
When students skip or rush this part, they end up with essays that feel generic and list-like, instead of an essay that could only have been written by them.
Mistake #2: Rushing Through the “Non-Writing” Parts of the Application
Students often assume the application itself—the activities section, and entering courses and grades—is the easy part.
Compared to producing a personal statement, it is more straightforward.
But filling in these sections thoughtfully and accurately takes care and attention.
Describing ten meaningful activities in 150 characters or less requires students to be clear and concise, which means that you need to be decisive about the most important details to include.
Entering grades correctly requires patience and attention to detail—some colleges don’t require transcripts unless you enroll, this means that self-reporting needs to be 100% accurate.
When students rush this part, they tend to under-represent themselves or make avoidable errors that create confusion.
Mistake #3: Waiting Too Long—So Parents Become the Default Editors
Most students’ first choice in an essay editor is not their parents.
But when time is running out, you become the default reviewer because:
(A) you’re there
(B) believe it or not, they care about your opinion
Unfortunately, this always happens when stress is already at its peak.
Even if you’re a reluctant reviewer (let’s be honest, many of us are not—we’ve been dying to know what’s in those essays), it’s easy to slip into over-helping and over-critiquing mode.
When this happens, emotions get in the way, defensiveness goes up, and confidence goes down.
Your teenager ends up thinking they need to completely start over even if the deadline is fast approaching.
99% of the time, starting over a day or two before the deadline is a big mistake.
Drafts that are finished minutes before midnight on the due date will never beat essays that have been shaped over the course of a few weeks.
4 Tips I Share With Parents of Neurodivergent Kids Completing The College Application Process
Parent Tip #1 - Frame Your Role as a Brainstorming Partner (Not An Editor)
When your child is hitting a wall or says they are experiencing writer’s block, ask them if they’d like you to be a brainstorming partner (not an editor).
If they say yes:
Offer to be the scribe while they talk. Let them think aloud while you jot down phrases and moments that sound especially “them.”
Write your notes on a piece of paper, not in their google document. This signals that the actual essay writing is 100% theirs.
Gently remind them of stories they might overlook: times they showed persistence, kindness, humor, or leadership that they’ve already forgotten.
Ask if you can contribute an idea or two after they’ve shared. Your job is to help them see themselves more clearly—not to decide what the essay “should” be.
Most importantly, notice if you’ve started doing most of the talking. If you have, take a break and give room for ideas to settle in, which may spark some new ones.
Brainstorming is the part that makes the blank screen less intimidating.
With more direction and focus, your child’s voice will come through more easily, and with greater authenticity when they write about themselves.
Parent Tip #2 - Be Okay With Doing the Small Jobs
It’s easy for students to stall on the less creative, less gratifying pieces of the process.
When you notice your teenager is avoiding the more tedious parts of the application, like grade/course entry and activities lists, remember that this is actually a great place for parents to step in.
Offer to read the transcript aloud while your child types, or double-check entries for accuracy.
Help estimate hours per week and weeks per year for activities—you’re often the one who remembers how many afternoons were spent at soccer, rehearsal, or volunteering because you were the one driving.
Ask them to read their activities descriptions to you. If something feels vague, you can ask, “What did you do there?” and help them be more specific without rewriting it yourself.
Parent Tip #3 - Stay ready and stay thoughtful.
If and when you’re asked for essay help in the eleventh hour, remember:
you’re entering at the last stage of the process.
Proceed with care.
Your child may not be asking you for line-by-line edits—they may be asking for reassurance.
Use light-touch feedback.
This is not the time to overhaul the essay. Offer suggestions that can be incorporated quickly, not a full rewrite.
Things like grammar adjustments or flags re: repetitiveness in word choice are helpful from an outside reader.
Comment in the margins instead of typing directly into the document.
If you’re in Google Docs, avoid Suggesting mode. Instead, ask questions and make suggestions by highlighting the sentence/phrase and adding a comment, rather than rewritten sentences.
Keep your voice out of the actual written essay, it’s confusing for students when they review and edit, making them unsure if their voice is not as “good” as yours.
Name what’s working.
Point out specific phrases, images, or ideas you love—not just what needs fixing. These essays are personal; students need to know what’s strong and resonant, not just what’s “wrong.”
This is a very vulnerable process, they need to know you see the whole version of them, not just the “mistakes.”
The Bottom Line
Your presence matters more than your project management skills when it comes to supporting your child’s college application process.
Remember the following three things as your guide, when you are unsure how to help:
Leave the student voice intact.
Do not type directly into google documents.
Leave any light edits on the side as comments, or better yet, write them on a separate piece of paper.
Your child’s voice needs to remain intact throughout all essays. It can get lost when you facelift entire sentences and phrases.
Be the assistant, not the lead. If your child asks for help but doesn’t know what they need, offer to be:
The brainstorming partner
A scribe
The data logger
The timekeeper
Always highlight what’s working.
Clearly state what you like about their essays. Tone, anecdotes, flow.
Let them know you see how much time they are putting in, how hard they are working.
Ask them what they like about their own writing and affirm it.
As you have always done, tell your kids, explicitly, that they are loved, safe, and more than enough—no matter what happens in this process.
That message does more for their long-term confidence than any perfectly edited sentence ever will.
This article is a part of the larger category of:
Related articles:
4 Steps To Prepare Your High School Student for College (Without Doing Everything for Them)
How to Set Boundaries With Your Child Without Damaging the Relationship
Top 10 Colleges for Students with ADHD: Finding the Right Fit for Success
How to Get Your Teen to Follow Through Using a Behavior Contract (Without Nagging or Hovering)
P.S. If you want to work on executive function skills with your students, consider joining hundreds of other educators and parents who have completed my Semester Success Blueprint Course. In less than 2 hours, this comprehensive course will teach you and your student the system I developed to help hundreds of students learn how to manage school effectively and raise their self-awareness and engagement with school.
About Dot
Dot Kowal is a long time college counselor, former high school head, and licensed clinical psychotherapist.
Her therapeutic background allows her to bring a values-based, wellness-centered, and growth-oriented approach to college admissions counseling.
Dot holds a B.A. in English from Williams College, an M.A. in Counseling Psychology from Argosy University, and a certification in School Management and Leadership from Harvard Business School and the Harvard Graduate School of Education.
Families who want more than just college-acceptance—who want the admissions process to be a journey of self-discovery and growth find her work bespoke, powerful, and long lasting.
Learn more about Dot's work at www.dotkowal.com and follow Dot on Instagram @college_with_dot