How to Set Boundaries With Your Child Without Damaging the Relationship
- Sean McCormick
- Apr 4
- 5 min read
Updated: 3 days ago
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Setting boundaries as a parent means clearly defining what your child can expect from you, and what you expect from them.
Without boundaries, kids feel uncertain about the limits, often leading to emotional outbursts or avoidance of responsibilities like homework, chores, or screen time limits.
And without realizing it, many parents fall into patterns of either being too lenient (to avoid conflict) or overly harsh (when they've had enough), rather than taking a consistent, proactive approach.
It's important to set boundaries that are firm but fair, so your child knows what to expect, and you can parent from a place of calm rather than chaos.
As a former special education teacher and parent of two children, I'll show a process I've used repeatedly that works.
Why It's Important to Set Boundaries With Your Kids
Healthy boundaries create a sense of safety and structure that kids need in order to grow.
Boundaries teach responsibility, respect, and self-regulation.
Kids do better in school, at home, and with peers when they know the expectations and what will happen if they’re not met.
It gives them the mental space to focus on their own goals instead of constantly testing limits.
Even if your child resists boundaries in the moment, they often feel more secure knowing someone is in charge, and they usually grow closer to you in the long run.
Why So Many Parents Struggle To Set Boundaries With Their Kids
Reason #1: They Want To Be Their Child's Friend
Some parents fear conflict so much that they avoid setting limits altogether.
When their kid gets upset, they backpedal to keep the peace, hoping to be seen more as a friend than an authority figure.
Reason #2: They Are Afraid Of Damaging The Relationship
There’s a worry that setting firm boundaries will push their child away.
But in most cases, clear expectations strengthen the bond after a temporary wave of resistance.
Reason #3: They Haven't Defined The Boundaries Ahead Of Time
If you decide consequences on the fly, it’s easy to feel inconsistent, emotional, or unsure.
Kids pick up on that and push harder.
Boundaries work better when they’re clearly thought out, communicated ahead of time, and followed through with calm consistency.
4 Steps to Set Boundaries With Your Child
Step 1: Define your boundaries using the WAC method
WAC stands for:
What’s the problem?
Ask for what you need.
Confirm that it works for the other person.
For example, if your child borrows the car on weekends, you might set a rule that it needs to be returned by 10:00 PM.
Say it directly, and ask them to confirm they understand. Here is how that might look:
What’s the problem?
“I’ve noticed the car’s been coming back later than we agreed, and it’s caused some stress when I need it early the next morning.”
Ask for what you need.
“I need you to have the car back by 10:00 PM on weekends so I’m not scrambling in the morning.”
Confirm that it works for the other person.
“Does that work for you? Or is there something you want to talk through about it?”
That’s the foundation of respectful communication and shared expectations.
Step 2: Choose logical consequences in advance
Consequences should match the behavior.
If your child forgets homework, they might lose access to screen time until it's complete.
If they stay out past curfew, they lose car privileges the next weekend.
Avoid harsh or unrelated consequences—they lead to power struggles.
If you need help with choosing positive consequences and setting up a system where behaviors and consequences are clear and understood, check out this article on using a behavior contract.
You can also use this pre-made behavior plan template to clearly lay out expected behaviors and consequences with your child:
Step 3: Write down your expectations and review them together
Write the boundaries and consequences somewhere visible—on a family whiteboard, shared Google Doc, or a note on the fridge.
Revisit them every few weeks.
This helps reinforce the expectations and keeps things from becoming vague or forgotten.
Step 4: Start fresh every time (aka blank slate)
When your child breaks a boundary, it’s easy to react with frustration.
But staying calm is part of the power.
Step away, take a breath, and come back to the conversation without anger.
Kids need to see that they can’t derail your emotional state—and that your expectations remain steady regardless of their reaction.
To learn more about parenting kids with ADHD and executive function challenges, check out our whole series of articles on parenting kids with ADHD or executive function challenges, or take our semester success blueprint course to learn more strategies.
The Bottom Line
Setting boundaries doesn’t make you a bad parent. It makes you a strong one.
And your child is more likely to trust you, respect you, and feel safe because of it.
Here’s a quick recap of how to do it:
Define the problem, ask for what you need, and confirm understanding.
Choose clear, proportional consequences that relate to the behavior.
Write down the expectations and review them together regularly.
Stay calm, don’t take it personally, and reset after each conflict.
Hope this helps 🤙🏻
P.S. If you want to work on executive function skills with your students, consider joining hundreds of other educators and parents who have completed my Semester Success Blueprint Course. In less than 2 hours, this comprehensive course will teach you and your student the system I developed to help hundreds of students learn how to manage school effectively and raise their self-awareness and engagement with school.
About Me
Hey! I'm Sean 👋
I'm a former public school special education teacher who realized that executive function skills are more important than knowing when George Washington crossed the Potomac.
Since then, I've made it my mission to teach anyone who will listen about how to develop these key life skills.
In 2020, I founded Executive Function Specialists to ensure all students with ADHD and Autism have access to high-quality online executive function coaching services. We offer online EF coaching and courses to help students and families.
Realizing I could only reach so many people through coaching, in 2021 I started the Executive Function Coaching Academy which trains schools, educators, and individuals to learn the key strategies to improve executive function skills for students.
In 2023, I co-founded of UpSkill Specialists, to provide neurodivergent adults with high-quality executive function coaching services.
When not pursuing my passions through work, I love spending time with my family, getting exercise, and growing my brain through reading. You can connect with me on LinkedIn.