3 Mindset Shifts for Parents and Educators That Empower Children's Executive Function Skills
- Sean McCormick
- Aug 27
- 8 min read
Updated: Sep 4
(Last Updated: August, 2025)
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Every parent and educator wants to see children grow into confident, capable, and independent adults.
The challenge is that the skills needed to make this happen—planning, self-control, organization, and time management—are not taught directly in most schools.
These executive function skills are the quiet drivers of long-term success, shaping not only academic achievement but also relationships, career paths, and overall quality of life.
And, research shows that children with less self-control at ages 3 to 11, have worse outcomes related to health, wealth, and criminal records, 30 years later.
Note, this research stands the test EVEN when controlling for IQ, gender, social class, and more.
On the brighter side, research shows that when students ARE taught self-regulation skills the impact cannot be understated:
"...interventions that achieve even small improvements in self-control for individuals could shift the entire distribution of outcomes in a beneficial direction and yield large improvements in health, wealth, and crime rate for a nation”
In this article, I will teach teach you three essential mindset shifts you can make starting today that will ensure improvements in your child's executive function skills.
Let's dive in 👇
What Are Executive Function Skills?
Executive function skills are the components that make up the brain's operating system.
They include things like:
Planning
Organization
Self-awareness
Inhibition
Time management
Initiation
Visualizing outcomes
Evaluating priorities
Pretty POSITIVE things, right? See what I did there?
Guiding children to develop strong executive function skills predicts academic success and improved quality of life.
Just check out the research of Dr. Adele Diamond:
Prefer to watch a video on this topic? Check this out 👇
Why Do Parents And Educators Struggle to Support Executive Function Skills?
Parents and educators often struggle to teach executive function skills effectively.
Many parents are unaware of what is developmentally appropriate for their children or incorrectly assume that these skills will develop naturally within the school system without their support.
Why parents struggle to support executive function skills
Parents often want to protect their children from frustration, but this good intention can backfire when it comes to executive function development.
Without realizing it, many parents step in too quickly, shield their kids from discomfort, or underestimate what their child is capable of handling.
These habits may feel supportive in the moment but can actually prevent children from building independence and resilience.
This can lead to fears of challenging their children appropriately, resulting in statements like:
“I don’t want my child to be mad.”
“They are only (insert age). They shouldn’t have to (write their name on their backpack/carry their backpack, etc.).”
“Won’t making them (developmentally appropriate task) make them sad?”
These limiting beliefs drive actions that may unconsciously inhibit the development of executive function skills.
To go deeper into helping your child develop critical executive function skills, download my workbook: A Positive Parenting Guide to Teaching Your Child Self-regulation Skills.
Why educators struggle to support executive function skills
Teachers face their own set of challenges.
Supporting students with executive function skills sounds simple in theory but gets complicated fast in the classroom.
The reality is that most educators want to help, but the odds are often stacked against them.
They may have limiting beliefs like:
"I haven't received enough training or resources on how to teach executive function skills effectively."
"There's just not enough time in the day to fit in executive function skill development along with all the required academic content."
"My students have such diverse needs; it's challenging to address each one’s executive function skills individually."
If you are a parent or educator with little time and energy, this guide will explain how you can overcome these challenges and support children in developing strong EF skills by making 3 subtle, but powerful mindset shifts.
Before getting into the shifts, I recommend you download my Limiting Beliefs Worksheet so you can challenge your current mindsets and turn any limiting beliefs into empowered ones. Download the worksheet here.
Mindset Tweak 1: Embrace Incremental Challenges 🪜
As a parent or educator, research shows that your ability to introduce tasks that are slightly above the child's current capability, while providing appropriate support, fosters a sense of accomplishment and growth.
The scientific language for this approach according to the research of John Hattie is called your "estimates of achievement" and it should be your goal to challenge your student to try something in their "zone of proximal development."
This could look like starting with simple tasks like:
putting their name on their paper
writing the date at the top of their homework
placing completed work in the correct folder
lining up their materials before class starts
putting their shoes in the right spot when they come home
The, you can move towards larger tasks like organizing their backpack.
These incremental challenges help build their executive function skills without overwhelming them.
Here are some more examples of developmentally appropriate challenges for K-2 students:
Setting the Table
Dressing Themselves
Tidying Up Toys
Following a Morning Routine
Completing Simple Chores
Organizing School Materials
Managing a Visual Schedule
For a full list of developmentally appropriate tasks by age, check out these resources:
If you want to take action, pick one of the challenges above and focus on it for the next week or two.
You might be amazed to see how capable your little one is when you provide guidance and direction without doing it for them.
Mindset Shift 2: View Resistance as an Opportunity for Growth 📈
Next time you hear your kid say something like:
"I CAN'T do this."
"It's too hard!"
"Please, do it for me."
Take a moment to consider these questions:
Would my child feel more confident if they learned how to (insert developmentally appropriate task)?
Is there a way for me to offer support, without doing this task for them?
If I am not going to teach this skill now, when do I plan on requiring them to do it?
Resistance and frustration are natural parts of learning new skills.
These reactions often signify an extinction burst, where a child's initial resistance intensifies before new behaviors are established.
What is an extinction burst?
For example, if you ask your child to pack their own backpack, they might initially resist, throw a tantrum, or forget items deliberately to push back.
If you continue to hold the expectation, your child's tantrum may evolve in a full-blown meltdown.
At this moment, you have a choice:
The Right Choice ✅
You continue to hold your expectation and the emotional outburst will eventually subside.
The Wrong Choice 🚫
You "give-in" and now your child knows that by throwing a tantrum or meltdown, they can get their way.
At some point, you need to hold a boundary, whether it is now or when they are in high school.
Making it through the extinction burst is crucial because it leads to the development of new skills and sets new expectations.
As your child begins to realize that the task is non-negotiable and that they can do it, they start to internalize the routine and develop a sense of responsibility.
This helps them learn to manage their emotions and persist through challenges, ultimately fostering independence and confidence.
This leads to better outcomes in terms of their health, wealth, and overall quality of life.
Nice work Mom and Dad!
Mindset Shift 3: Boundaries Are A Form of Love ❤️
Boundaries are one of the purest forms of love a parent or educator can provide.
Setting boundaries does many things for children including:
Teaching the child to respect the rights and needs of others.
Building empathy by understand what is acceptable and not acceptable in a relationship
What happens when parents and educators don't set boundaries with children?
When children do not have clear boundaries, you may inadvertently teach them that that actions do not have consequences.
While this may have less consequences in the home, it sets the stage for a rude awakening when they enter school, society, or the work force later on.
Remember, if they don't learn boundaries from you, then they will eventually learn them from a teacher, administrator, police officer, judge, or someone else whose boundary they cross.
True love means guiding your child toward becoming a responsible and respectful individual, even when it requires tough decisions and consistency.
The Bottom Line
Want to take action? Try these steps this week:
Choose an appropriate task (e.g., packing a backpack), break it into steps, and guide without doing it for them.
When frustrated, ask guiding questions like, "How can we make this easier?" Stay patient and supportive.
Clearly state expectations and maintain boundaries even if they resist. Praise their efforts to reinforce positive behavior.
Discuss accomplishments and challenges at the end of the week, celebrating successes and planning next steps.
Hope this helps 🤙🏻
This article is a part of the larger category of:
Related articles:
How to Set Boundaries With Your Child Without Damaging the Relationship
Strategies for Helping Your Kid with ADHD Improve Their EF Skills
Which Executive Function Skills Should I See At Different Ages?
The Educator's Guide To Teaching Executive Function Skills by Grade Level
Are you grateful for your child? 4 Strategies To Show Your Kid You Care
P.S. If you want to work on executive function skills with your students, consider joining hundreds of other educators and parents who have completed my Semester Success Blueprint Course. In less than 2 hours, this comprehensive course will teach you and your student the system I developed to help hundreds of students learn how to manage school effectively and raise their self-awareness and engagement with school.
About Me
Hey! I'm Sean 👋
I'm a former public school special education teacher who realized that executive function skills are more important than knowing when George Washington crossed the Potomac.
Since then, I've made it my mission to teach anyone who will listen about how to develop these key life skills.
In 2020, I founded Executive Function Specialists to ensure all students with ADHD and Autism have access to high-quality online executive function coaching services. We offer online EF coaching and courses to help students and families.
Realizing I could only reach so many people through coaching, in 2021 I started the Executive Function Coaching Academy which trains schools, educators, and individuals to learn the key strategies to improve executive function skills for students.
In 2023, I co-founded of UpSkill Specialists, to provide neurodivergent adults with high-quality executive function coaching services.
When not pursuing my passions through work, I love spending time with my family, getting exercise, and growing my brain through reading. You can connect with me on LinkedIn.
Want me to speak on executive function skills at your event? Learn more about my speaking topics here.