How To Practice Assertive Communication With Your Child (And Improve Your Relationship)
- Sean McCormick
- Apr 2
- 5 min read
Updated: 4 days ago
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Assertive communication is a skill that can transform how a child navigates school, friendships, and even their relationship with you.
It's a communication style that is direct and clear regarding your needs, expectations, and desires.
The opposite of this would be passive communication where you do not clearly articulate your needs, wants, and desires.
Another unproductive communication style is passive-aggressive communication, where the communication so direct and uncomfortable that it offends the recipient of the communication.
In this article, you’ll learn what assertive communication is, why it matters so much for success and well-being, and how to help your child or student build this critical executive function skill—step by step.
Let's dive in!
Why Assertive Communication Builds Stronger Students and Better Outcomes
When students learn how to be clear, direct, and respectful in their communication, here are some of the challenges that get easier:
Navigating friend drama
Managing group projects
Saying no to something they’re not comfortable with
Kids who communicate assertively tend to feel more confident and less overwhelmed.
They don’t have to bottle things up, and they don’t have to explode when they hit their breaking point.
They just… say what they mean. And that’s a superpower.
It helps with everything from classroom success to future career advancement.
Why Kids (and Adults) Struggle with Assertive Communication
Reason #1: They Don't Know What It Looks Like
Many kids and adults grow up surrounded by poor communication—think yelling, guilt trips, or silent treatment.
So when it’s time to be assertive, they either don’t say anything at all or they say it in a way that sounds harsh, rude, or confusing.
Reason #2: They Never Learned The Skill
Assertive communication isn’t part of the standard curriculum.
Unless someone teaches it explicitly, or a student actively seeks it out, it’s just not a skill that naturally develops.
Reason #3: They Don't Practice In The Right Way
Some students try to practice only in person and get flustered.
Others avoid speaking up and stick to texts or emails.
Building assertive communication takes trial and error in both written and verbal formats — and students often give up too soon.
How Parents & Educators Can Teach Assertive Communication (4 Steps)
Step 1: Start With The Heart (Use The WAC Method)
Think about exactly what you want to communicate to someone and write it down.
A good framework for this is the WAC framework:
What’s the problem?
Ask for what you need.
Confirm that it works for the other person.
When students start from a place of clarity and care, their communication improves instantly. Here is how that model could be used by a student to ask for support from a teacher:
What’s the problem?
I’ve been struggling to keep up with the reading assignments in English because I’m also managing a lot of homework from other classes and working a part-time job.
Ask for what you need.
Would it be possible to get an extension on the essay that’s due Friday? Even two extra days would help me turn in something that reflects my best work.
Confirm that it works for the other person.
Does that timeline work for you, or is there another option you’d recommend?
Step 2: Use Contrasting Statements
A contrasting statement is a simple but powerful communication tool that helps students avoid sounding harsh or defensive.
It starts by clearly stating what they don’t mean—this prevents misunderstandings — and then follows up with what they do mean.
Here’s how it works:
Instead of saying:
“You need to stop missing deadlines.”
Try a contrasting statement:
“I’m not upset with you—I just want to talk about how we can avoid missing future deadlines.”
This sets a respectful tone, makes it easier for the other person to stay open and engaged, and still gets the message across.
You can learn more communication strategies like these in my semester success blueprint course or through my executive function coaching certification course.
Step 3: Read Real Examples Together
Modeling matters. Grab a book like:
Crucial Conversations by Kerry Patterson
Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab
You can read sections together and discuss what makes the examples effective, plus how they could apply that language in their own life.
Step 4: Build Self-Awareness
Most communication mishaps happen when someone is tired, stressed, or distracted.
Before your child gives feedback (or hears it), help them take a moment to pause and check in with themselves. Ask questions like:
“How are you feeling right now?”
“Do you have the energy to talk about this?”
“Is anything else bothering you that might make this conversation harder?”
Help your student tune into how they’re feeling by encouraging journaling or quick self-checks before they speak up.
By clearing the mental clutter, they’ll be more present, less reactive, and way more effective in how they communicate.
The Bottom Line
Helping children or students practice assertive communication sets them up for smoother relationships and better outcomes—now and in the future.
Here’s how you can start practicing assertive communication with your students:
Start with the heart of the issue
Use contrasting statements to avoid sounding harsh
Review real-world examples of assertive language.
"Clear the deck" with emotional check-ins
Hope this helps 🤙🏻
P.S. If you want to work on executive function skills with your students, consider joining hundreds of other educators and parents who have completed my Semester Success Blueprint Course. In less than 2 hours, this comprehensive course will teach you and your student the system I developed to help hundreds of students learn how to manage school effectively and raise their self-awareness and engagement with school.
About Me
Hey! I'm Sean 👋
I'm a former public school special education teacher who realized that executive function skills are more important than knowing when George Washington crossed the Potomac.
Since then, I've made it my mission to teach anyone who will listen about how to develop these key life skills.
In 2020, I founded Executive Function Specialists to ensure all students with ADHD and Autism have access to high-quality online executive function coaching services. We offer online EF coaching and courses to help students and families.
Realizing I could only reach so many people through coaching, in 2021 I started the Executive Function Coaching Academy which trains schools, educators, and individuals to learn the key strategies to improve executive function skills for students.
In 2023, I co-founded of UpSkill Specialists, to provide neurodivergent adults with high-quality executive function coaching services.
When not pursuing my passions through work, I love spending time with my family, getting exercise, and growing my brain through reading. You can connect with me on LinkedIn.