How to Talk to Your Reluctant Student About Executive Function Coaching (2025)
- Sean McCormick
- May 12, 2023
- 8 min read
Updated: Oct 30
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If your child or student resists the idea of executive function coaching, the way you bring it up can make all the difference.
This guide gives you a sample script, explains why your approach matters, and outlines common mistakes to avoid so the conversation stays calm, positive, and productive.
Table of Contents
Why Talking to Your Student About Executive Function Coaching Matters
Common Mistakes Made When Talking to a Reluctant Student About EF Coaching
Response #1: "I don't have time to add another thing to my plate!"
Response #2: "I've got everything under control!" (when it is clear they do not)
How do I Have a Conversion With my Child About Executive Function Coaching?
Picture this: you've just discovered the concept of executive function coaching, and you're confident it's the key to helping your child manage their overflowing plate of responsibilities.
You approach them with optimism, only to be met with a defensive,
"I don't have time to add another thing to my plate!"
Does this sound familiar?
If so, you're not alone.
Many parents face resistance when they first suggest executive function coaching to their children.
After all, from a student's perspective, it might feel like just another demand on their time or an implication that they're not managing well enough.
But don't worry, navigating these initial objections is part of the journey, and we're here to guide you through it.
In this article, we'll explore effective strategies to communicate the benefits of executive function coaching to your reluctant student, and how you can encourage them to embrace this supportive resource.
Let's dive in!👇
Why Talking to Your Student About Executive Function Coaching Matters
When students struggle with organization, time management, or emotional control, parents often see the signs long before their child admits there’s a problem.
But how you approach that first conversation can make or break whether your child is open to trying executive function coaching.
A supportive, nonjudgmental tone can turn what might feel like a “you’re not doing enough” lecture into an empowering invitation to learn new skills.
For example, a high schooler who’s been staying up late to finish work might reject help if it sounds like blame but if you frame coaching as a way to make life less stressful, they’re far more likely to listen.
Common Mistakes Made When Talking to a Reluctant Student About EF Coaching
Mistake #1: Sounding Like You’re Assigning More Work
When students already feel overwhelmed, any mention of “coaching” can sound like another class or responsibility.
Saying things like,
“This will help you stay on top of your homework”
might trigger resistance.
Instead, emphasize how coaching reduces stress by making tasks more manageable.
Mistake #2: Focusing on What’s Going Wrong
It’s tempting to list missed assignments or bad grades to justify coaching, but this often makes kids feel criticized.
For example, saying, “You keep forgetting to turn things in” puts them on the defensive.
Try,
“I’ve noticed how hard you’re working—coaching could make that effort pay off even more.”
Mistake #3: Presenting It as Non-Optional
Even if you know coaching would help, forcing the decision removes their sense of control.
Statements like, “You’re starting coaching next week” usually lead to pushback.
Instead, invite collaboration:
“Would you be open to trying it for a few weeks and then deciding together if it’s helpful?”
These small shifts can completely change how your child hears the message and how they respond.
Now, let's get into the 2 most common responses from reluctant students and how to approach each one.
Response #1: "I don't have time to add another thing to my plate!"
If your student says, "I don't have time to add another thing to my plate!" it's important to approach the conversation with empathy and understanding.
One important thing to remember is that many students with ADHD have rejection-sensitive dysphoria, which makes them hypersensitive to perceived critiques.
Here are some pointers for addressing your student's concerns:
Acknowledge their feelings
Begin by validating their feelings. Say something like:
"I understand that you're feeling overwhelmed and you have a lot on your plate. It's completely normal to feel this way."
Explain the benefits of executive function coaching
Make it clear that the goal of executive function coaching is to make their life easier, not harder. Say something like:
"The aim of executive function coaching is actually to help you manage all these things on your plate more effectively.
It can help you feel less overwhelmed and stressed by teaching you skills like time management, prioritizing tasks, and organizing your work."
Discuss flexibility and customization
Explain that the coaching can be tailored to their needs and schedule. You might say:
"The coaching sessions can be scheduled around your other commitments, and the coach will work with you to find strategies that fit your specific needs and lifestyle."
Encourage a trial period
Suggest trying out the coaching for a limited period to see if it helps. You can say:
"How about we give this a try for a month? If you find it's not helpful or it's adding too much to your plate, we can reassess."
The goal is not to push your child into doing something they're uncomfortable with but to help them see the potential benefits and make an informed decision.
Response #2: "I've got everything under control!" (when it is clear they do not)
If your student insists that they have everything under control even when it's clear they're struggling, it's important to approach the conversation with patience and sensitivity.
Consider the following strategies and responses:
Recognize their independence
Start by acknowledging their efforts and their desire for independence. You might say:
"I see how hard you're working and that you want to handle things on your own. That's really admirable."
Share your observations
Rather than outright contradicting them, share your observations in a non-judgmental way.
For example:
"I've noticed that you seem stressed out a lot, and sometimes you miss deadlines or forget about assignments. I'm not saying you're not doing your best, but it looks like things are a bit more challenging than they need to be."
Reassure them of your support
Let them know that you're there to support them, regardless of their decision.
Say something like:
"Whatever you decide, I'm here to support you. I just want you to feel less stressed and more in control."
Focus on helping your child see the potential benefits of executive function coaching without making them feel undermined or criticized.
How do I Have a Conversion With my Child About Executive Function Coaching?
Talking to your child or student about getting extra help can be tricky, especially when the topic is something like executive function coaching.
Many students hear “coaching” and assume it means they’re in trouble or that their parents don’t trust them to manage things on their own.
The goal of this script is to help you approach the conversation in a way that feels supportive, not corrective.
This sample dialogue gives you a framework for introducing executive function coaching without triggering defensiveness or resistance.
It helps you strike the right tone acknowledging your student’s efforts, validating their independence, and framing coaching as a tool for reducing stress and building confidence, not fixing a problem.
Use it as a guide, not a script to memorize.
The key is to sound calm, curious, and collaborative so your student feels like you’re on their team, not managing them.
Parent: "Hey, I wanted to talk to you about something. I've noticed you've been working really hard to manage all your responsibilities. It's impressive how you're trying to keep everything under control."
Student: "Yeah, it's a lot but I've got everything under control."
Parent: "I really admire your determination and independence. But I've also noticed that you seem quite stressed out sometimes, and I've seen you miss a few deadlines or forget about assignments. I'm not criticizing you - I know you're doing your best. It just seems like things are a bit more challenging than they need to be."
Student: "I can handle it."
Parent: "I know you can, and I believe in you. But I also think it's okay to look for ways to make things easier on yourself. That's why I wanted to suggest something called executive function coaching. It's not about adding more work, or someone else taking control. It's about giving you more tools and strategies to manage everything even better."
Student: "I don't know... I don't think I have time for that."
Parent: "I understand, it seems like one more thing to juggle. But actually, the goal of this coaching is to help you manage your time and tasks more effectively. It might help you feel less overwhelmed. And it's flexible, we can fit it around your other commitments."
Student: "I'm still not sure..."
Parent: "That's completely okay. How about we give it a try for a month? If you feel it's not helping, we can always stop. No matter what, I'm here to support you. I just want to make sure you're not feeling too stressed and you have everything you need to succeed."
The key is to approach this conversation with empathy, patience, and a supportive attitude.
FAQs
What if my child refuses to try executive function coaching?
That’s completely normal. Many students resist at first because they think it means they’re failing.
Give them space, keep the conversation open, and revisit the idea later when stress or frustration naturally highlights the need for support.
How do I know if my child actually needs executive function coaching?
If your child regularly forgets assignments, struggles to start tasks, or melts down over time management, those are strong indicators.
Coaching can help them build tools to handle these challenges more independently.
How can I make sure coaching feels positive, not punitive?
Frame coaching as something successful students use to reach their goals more easily, not as a consequence for struggling.
The more you connect it to reducing stress and helping them feel capable, the more likely they are to buy in.
The Bottom Line
Here’s a quick recap to keep in mind when bringing up executive function coaching with your child or student:
Approach the conversation with empathy and focus on support.
Avoid making coaching sound like extra work or a punishment.
Emphasize how it can reduce stress and make life easier.
Give your child a sense of choice and control in the process.
Keep the dialogue open, patient, and judgment-free.
Hope this helps 🤙🏻
This article is a part of the larger category of:
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P.S. If you want to work on executive function skills with your students, consider joining hundreds of other educators and parents who have completed my Semester Success Blueprint Course. In less than 2 hours, this comprehensive course will teach you and your student the system I developed to help hundreds of students learn how to manage school effectively and raise their self-awareness and engagement with school.
About Me
Hey! I'm Sean 👋
I'm a former public school special education teacher who realized that executive function skills are more important than knowing when George Washington crossed the Potomac.
Since then, I've made it my mission to teach anyone who will listen about how to develop these key life skills.
In 2020, I founded Executive Function Specialists to ensure all students with ADHD and Autism have access to high-quality online executive function coaching services. We offer online EF coaching and courses to help students and families.
Realizing I could only reach so many people through coaching, in 2021 I started the Executive Function Coaching Academy which trains schools, educators, and individuals to learn the key strategies to improve executive function skills for students.
In 2023, I co-founded of UpSkill Specialists, to provide neurodivergent adults with high-quality executive function coaching services.
When not pursuing my passions through work, I love spending time with my family, getting exercise, and growing my brain through reading. You can connect with me on LinkedIn.
Want me to speak on executive function skills at your event? Learn more about my speaking topics here.