What is Pathological Demand Avoidance and How Can EF Coaching Help?
- Sean McCormick
- Oct 16
- 12 min read
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If your bright, creative child seems to melt down over simple routines or requests, you’re not alone.
This post breaks down Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA), its link to executive function struggles, and practical ways to support these uniquely wired kids.
Table of Contents
Is your child bright, imaginative, and quirky, with a knack for telling stories or diving deep into their favorite topics?
Maybe they can talk for hours about a beloved video game or favorite animal.
But when it comes to routines or requests (like getting out their homework planner), it’s as though you’ve asked them to scale Mount Everest.
Suddenly they need a snack, remember something “urgent,” or get lost in a winding story about why the planner can’t be found.
Perhaps you’ve witnessed tears over “itchy” sweatshirts or the claim that a pencil is “too pointy” to hold.
You’re caring, attentive, and have tried every trick in the book, yet the resistance feels confusing, even overwhelming.
It’s not simply procrastination or willful disobedience.
It’s deeper, more automatic, and leaves everyone frustrated.
If these moments sound familiar, whether you’re a parent or an educator, your child or student may have a profile of Pathological Demand Avoidance, or PDA.
What is Pathological Demand Avoidance?
Pathological Demand Avoidance describes a subset of children (most often on the autism spectrum) who display a pervasive, often overwhelming anxiety-driven need to avoid everyday demands and expectations.
The term ‘Pathological Demand Avoidance’ was first used by the developmental psychologist Elizabeth Newson to describe children who showed an obsessive resistance to the ordinary demands of life.
While it originated as a profile within Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), it is now widely understood as a profile on the autism spectrum.
PDA is not a formal diagnosis in many places, including the United States, but its framework is incredibly useful for parents and educators attempting to understand a specific subset of autistic individuals.
PDA is best characterized by an extreme, anxiety-driven need to avoid everyday demands and expectations.
This isn't a conscious choice to be difficult.
Instead, it's a neurological response rooted in a profound need for control.
For a person with a PDA profile, even a simple request can trigger an overwhelming sense of losing autonomy, which then activates their nervous system’s threat response.
Some key traits of a PDA profile include:
An intense avoidance of everyday requests and demands.
Using social strategies, like making excuses or changing the subject, as a primary way to avoid demands.
Appearing sociable on the surface, but lacking a deeper social understanding.
Experiencing excessive mood swings and impulsivity, often driven by anxiety.
A strong need for control, which is often a coping mechanism for anxiety.
A tendency to engage in elaborate role-play and fantasy, sometimes to the point of confusion with reality.
Some researchers suggest that non-autistic people can experience PDA-like traits, but it appears to be most common in the autistic population.
One study found that about one in five individuals with autism also showed indications of having a PDA profile in childhood.
The takeaway here is that, as an educator, you are very likely to encounter students with these characteristics.
If you’re a parent, you may recognize some of these behaviors and characteristics in your own child, too.
What Pathological Demand Avoidance Looks Like
PDA can be misunderstood, especially in classroom or family settings where adults expect a child to follow simple routines or comply with reasonable requests.
Unlike children who say a straightforward, “no,” PDA avoidance is different.
They get creative. Their avoidance is an art form.
You might see:
Procrastination: "I'll do it later," which, of course, never comes.
Distraction: "Look! A squirrel!" followed by a 15-minute monologue about squirrels.
Incapacitation: "My brain is too tired," or "My hands won't work."
Negotiation: Attempting to bargain their way out of a task, often endlessly.
Meltdowns: A sudden, explosive release of emotion when a demand becomes too much to handle.
Often, these behaviors aren’t really about the task itself, but are instead fueled by powerful emotional underpinnings.
The fear of failure, for one, can be paralyzing.
If a student is afraid they can't do the math worksheet perfectly, avoiding it entirely often feels safer than trying and failing.
Sensory sensitivities can amplify avoidance: a noisy classroom, itchy clothes, or bright lights may push your child’s tolerance to the limit, making even basic requests feel unbearable.
PDA vs. "Typical" Defiance
When we talk about PDA, we need to go to great pains to differentiate it from other forms of resistance, such as Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) or what might be dismissed as a student being "stubborn."
With ODD, for example, the behavior is often directed at authority figures and involves a consistent pattern of anger and vindictiveness.
In contrast, PDA-related avoidance is not about defying authority for the sake of it.
It's an automatic, anxiety-based response to the feeling of a loss of control.
The student isn't trying to push your buttons. They’re just trying to manage an internal world that feels chaotic and threatening.
The demand itself is the trigger, regardless of who it comes from.
This is why a PDA student might resist something they actually want to do, like going to a friend’s birthday party, because the expectation feels like too much pressure.
The Link to Executive Function Challenges
For families and educators, understanding how PDA links to executive function challenges can make all the difference.
Executive function skills (the mental skills we use to plan, focus, regulate emotions, switch gears, and organize) are often at the root of what looks like “demand avoidance.”
Task Initiation
This is perhaps the most obvious connection.
A student with PDA finds it incredibly difficult to start tasks, especially when they are directed by someone else.
The "demand" to begin is the very thing that triggers the avoidance.
Emotional Regulation
PDA is fueled by anxiety.
The inability to manage this intense emotion leads to the meltdowns, shutdowns, or seemingly "dramatic" reactions you see.
The student lacks the internal tools to calm their nervous system when it perceives a threat.
Cognitive Flexibility
Students with a PDA profile are often rigid in their thinking.
They get stuck on a particular idea or way of doing things, and any deviation feels catastrophic.
This makes it hard for them to switch tasks or accept an alternative approach.
Planning and Prioritization
When every demand feels equally overwhelming, how can a student possibly decide what to do first?
The executive function skill of breaking down a large project into smaller steps is often absent, making the entire project feel like one giant, unbearable demand.
4 Strategies to Support Students With a PDA Profile
Traditional methods of discipline and motivation often fail with PDA students.
Sticker charts, rewards, and consequences can be perceived as just another layer of demand, making the situation even worse than it already is.
The key, then, is to lower the pressure and build a foundation of trust.
Here are a few strategies to try:
1. Create a Low-Demand Environment
Your first goal is to reduce the number of perceived demands.
This doesn't mean having no expectations. Rather, it involves changing how you present them.
Offer Choices: Instead of saying, "It's time to do your math homework," try, "Would you rather start with the math problems or the history reading?" This simple shift hands a degree of control back to the student.
Use Indirect Language: Phrasing requests as observations can feel less demanding. "I notice your backpack is on the floor" is less confrontational than "Pick up your backpack." "I wonder how we could get this assignment done," invites collaboration instead of compliance.
Depersonalize the Demand: Blame it on the clock or the schedule. "The clock says it’s 10:00, time for our session to start," removes you as the source of the demand.
Avoid Power Struggles: If a child says "no," your instinct might be to double down. With a PDA student, it's often better to back off and try again later with a different approach. Winning the battle is not worth losing the war, and the war is for the student's trust and well-being.
2. Embrace Collaborative Problem-Solving
Dr. Ross Greene's Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS) model is an excellent framework for PDA students.
The core philosophy is that "kids do well if they can."
If they aren't doing well, it's because they lack the skills to meet expectations.
The CPS model involves three steps.
The Empathy Step.
Start by understanding the child’s perspective.
"I've noticed that it's been tough to get started on writing assignments lately. What's up?"
Listen without judgment.
The Define Adult Concern Step
Clearly and calmly state your concern.
"My concern is that if the essay doesn't get done, you'll get a low grade in a class you care about."
The Invitation Step
Invite the child to brainstorm solutions with you.
"I wonder if there's a way we could make writing feel less overwhelming so you can get it done. Do you have any ideas?"
It sounds simple, but this approach completely reframes the dynamic.
You are no longer an authority figure imposing your will; you are a partner helping them solve a problem.
3. Use Accommodations and Modifications
Formal accommodations through an IEP or 504 Plan can be invaluable.
Think creatively about what might help. For example:
Flexible deadlines: Reduces the time pressure that can trigger anxiety.
Sensory breaks: Allows the student to self-regulate before they become overwhelmed.
Alternative ways to demonstrate learning: Could they create a video instead of writing an essay? Or give an oral presentation?
Reduced workload: Sometimes, quality is better than quantity.
4. The Power of Play and Humor
Never underestimate the power of being playful!
Humor can diffuse tension and build rapport in an instant.
If a student is resisting, try a silly voice or turn the task into a game.
"The evil Lord Procrastination has captured your math worksheet! We must rescue it before it's too late!"
This kind of goofing around may sound ridiculous, but for a PDA student, entering a world of play removes the demand and replaces it with fun.
Executive Function Coaching for PDA Students
Perhaps more than any other strategy discussed above, executive function coaching is the number one way to support students with a PDA profile.
It’s personalized, non-judgmental, and skill-based.
You’re not trying to "fix" the student. You’re not trying to change who they are.
You’re giving them the tools they need to be successful.
Ultimately, the role of an executive function coach is to help the student build autonomy and self-advocacy.
They’re teaching them to understand their own brain and to ask for what they need.
A student who can say,
"I'm feeling overwhelmed, can I take a five-minute break?"
has gained a skill that will serve them for a lifetime.
Some of the most important strategies involved in EF coaching for PDA students include:
Scaffolding
This involves breaking every task into the smallest possible steps.
For a research paper, the first step might not be "choose a topic," but "open a new Google Doc."
Celebrate the completion of each tiny step to build momentum.
Motivational Interviewing
EF coaches might use open-ended questions to connect with the student's own goals and values.
"What would it feel like to be done with this project?"
"What's one thing that's important to you about school?"
When the motivation is internal, the demand feels less external.
Visual Supports
They’ll also work to externalize executive functions.
Use visual timers, checklists, or a schedule board.
These tools are neutral. They don't make demands. They just state facts.
This helps the student organize their time and tasks without feeling controlled.
Emotional Regulation Techniques
EF coaches actively teach calming strategies.
This could be:
deep breathing exercises
mindfulness practices
identifying a "calm-down corner" with soothing objects
Practice these when the student is calm, so they have the tool ready when anxiety strikes.
Focus on Building Adaptive Skills
Instead of butting heads over a specific task, EF coaches focus on the underlying skill.
Your goal isn't just to get the homework done tonight; it's to build the student's capacity to handle challenges in the future.
This requires a collaborative approach and a willingness to negotiate.
What Does PDA Feel Like as an Adult?
It's important to remember that PDA students grow up to be PDA adults.
Many are identified later in life, after years of struggling and feeling misunderstood.
As adults, they may have difficulty holding down a job, maintaining relationships, or even managing daily life tasks like paying bills or making appointments.
Yet the underlying anxiety and need for control remain.
Executive function coaching can be just as powerful for adults.
It provides a space to unpack years of negative self-talk and develop practical systems for managing life.
If you are an adult interested in EF coaching, check out the coaching offers at Upskill Specialists here.
For an adult with a PDA profile, learning how to use a calendar, break down a project at work, or use scripts for difficult phone calls can be life-altering.
They learn that their brain works differently, and that's okay.
They can build a life that accommodates their needs instead of constantly fighting against them.
Challenges and Missteps to Avoid
Working with PDA students is a marathon, not a sprint.
There will be bumps along the way.
Some final tips for parents and educators to keep in mind as we wrap up our guide:
Don't overload them: Even with well-meaning suggestions, too many "helpful" ideas can feel like a flood of demands. Introduce one new strategy at a time.
Don't misinterpret avoidance: Remember that the behavior you see is a manifestation of anxiety, not laziness or a poor character. Lead with empathy, always.
Navigate resistance with patience: When you get pushback, take a breath. Don't escalate the situation. It may be a sign that you need to reduce the demand even further or try a different approach.
Know when to seek more support: If a student is in constant distress or their behaviors are putting them or others at risk, it may be time to recommend more intensive interventions, such as therapy with a PDA-informed professional or specialized educational services. Again, EF coaching may be able to help here, too.
Embracing A New Perspective
Understanding PDA is about shifting your perspective. It's about seeing a student who seems to be fighting you at every turn and recognizing that they are actually fighting for survival in a world that feels overwhelming.
As a parent or educator, you’re in a prime position to be their greatest ally.
Let this guide be a starting point.
Integrate these insights into your practice, and don't be afraid to experiment.
Take a look at our resources here at Executive Function Specialists, and get in touch if you’re interested in learning more about how our EF coaching programs can help your child succeed.
And remember: what works for one PDA student may not work for another.
The journey of understanding and helping these complex learners is certainly challenging, but it is also incredibly rewarding.
When you finally break through and see that students begin to trust, to try, and to succeed on their own terms, you’ll know you’ve made a difference.
You’ve helped them do more than just complete an assignment. You've helped them build a life they can be proud of.
FAQs
How is PDA different from typical defiance or Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD)?
PDA behaviors stem from anxiety and a loss of perceived control, not anger or rebellion.
Children with PDA aren’t trying to challenge authority. They’re trying to manage overwhelming internal stress. Even demands tied to something they want to do can trigger avoidance.
The key factor isn't age but readiness.
Why do traditional rewards and consequences make things worse for PDA students?
Systems like sticker charts or punishment can feel like extra layers of demand, which intensify anxiety and trigger more avoidance.
What works better is reducing pressure, offering choices, and using collaborative problem-solving to restore a sense of control.
How can parents and educators best support a child with PDA?
Start by creating a low-demand environment that gives the child agency. Use humor and play to defuse tension, scaffold tasks into smaller steps, and build trust over time.
Executive function coaching can also help by teaching coping strategies, emotional regulation, and self-advocacy.
The Bottom Line
Helping students with a PDA profile starts with lowering demands, building trust, and focusing on collaboration instead of control.
The 5 most effective strategies are:
Create a low-demand environment
Embrace collaborative problem-solving
Use accommodations and modifications
Incorporate play and humor to reduce anxiety
Executive function coaching support
Hope this helps 🤙🏻
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P.S. If you want to work on executive function skills with your students, consider joining hundreds of other educators and parents who have completed my Semester Success Blueprint Course. In less than 2 hours, this comprehensive course will teach you and your student the system I developed to help hundreds of students learn how to manage school effectively and raise their self-awareness and engagement with school.
About Me
Hey! I'm Sean 👋
I'm a former public school special education teacher who realized that executive function skills are more important than knowing when George Washington crossed the Potomac.
Since then, I've made it my mission to teach anyone who will listen about how to develop these key life skills.
In 2020, I founded Executive Function Specialists to ensure all students with ADHD and Autism have access to high-quality online executive function coaching services. We offer online EF coaching and courses to help students and families.
Realizing I could only reach so many people through coaching, in 2021 I started the Executive Function Coaching Academy which trains schools, educators, and individuals to learn the key strategies to improve executive function skills for students.
In 2023, I co-founded of UpSkill Specialists, to provide neurodivergent adults with high-quality executive function coaching services.
When not pursuing my passions through work, I love spending time with my family, getting exercise, and growing my brain through reading. You can connect with me on LinkedIn.
Want me to speak on executive function skills at your event? Learn more about my speaking topics here.