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Today, I'll share steps that neurodivergent students with ADHD and Autism can take to establish positive relationships with their teachers.
Better relationships with teachers lead to improved grades, stronger connections, and ongoing guidance from teachers, even years after a student has left the classroom.
By working on this skill, students can build connections that significantly impact their education and future career opportunities.
Why are good relationships with teachers so important for neurodivergent students?
As highlighted above, strong relationships with teachers can lead to improved education and life outcomes, but they can also be key lifelines in the school experience for students with special needs.
Many neurodivergent students struggle to develop healthy peer relationships and thus rely on teachers to be a source of connection in an otherwise isolating school experience.
Additionally, when teachers understand and appreciate the unique characteristics of these students, they can create more inclusive classroom environments. This leads to neurodivergent students feeling:
Valued for their unique "brain style"
Included in the classroom culture in a way that highlights their strengths
And more willing to ask for help from teachers they trust
However, if no one explicitly teaches these neurodivergent students how to establish relationships proactively, even the kindest teachers may assume these students are doing just fine.
However, this assumption can prove costly for both students and school districts in the long run.
Why is school hard for neurodivergent students?
Here are a few reasons many neurodivergent students struggle with school:
Social skills are not explicitly taught
The complex and unstated rules and formalities of building social relationships that are not explicitly taught or nurtured
Neurodivergent student may be labeled as "lazy" or "doesn't care"
Teachers may misinterpret behaviors associated with ADHD or Autism as "laziness" or a lack of interest
School demands a lot of executive function skills
Neurodivergent students may become overwhelmed by the challenge of managing social interactions and academic demands, causing dysregulation and isolation for their peers
The mistake many parents (and educators) make when trying to support neurodivergent students
One of the mistakes parents and educators make when trying to support neurodivergent students is that they lower expectations, rather than adding in additional supports.
It is possible to recognize neurodivergent students’ unique learning needs while also holding students accountable for fostering successful relationships with peers and teachers.
For example, while accommodations such as extra time on tests or sensory breaks can be essential, these supports should not come at the expense of classroom norms like respect and basic decency.
Allowing a student with ADHD to frequently disrupt lessons without addressing the behavior not only undermines their growth but also negatively impacts their classmates’ learning.
By balancing understanding with accountability, students can learn to manage their impulses and build positive social skills, setting them up for future success.
Here are four steps parents and educators can take today to support neurodivergent learners in building healthy relationships with their teachers.
4 steps neurodivergent students can take to build relationships with their teachers
To help neurodivergent students start to build stronger relationships with their teachers, follow these steps:
Step one: start a conversation with teachers via email
Encourage students to initiate conversations with teachers via email. This allows them to think through their messages without the pressure of face-to-face interaction.
A mistake many educators and parents make is that they say things like:
Just go talk to your teachers!
While intentioned, they do not realize that students will avoid this and need a more structured approach that incrementally progresses toward this goal of having in-person conversations with their teachers.
To provide the support needed, I teach educators, coaches and parents to provide templates or sentence starters to help them structure their emails.
Step 2: Break their communication down using the P.I.N.G. method
Without consciously realizing it, we all rely on communication templates and formalities. Think of "hello" and "goodbye" as templates we use everyday to communicate our needs for affirmation and belonging.
You can teach students the PING method for effective communication:
P - Pleasant introduction
I - Inform and inquire about their needs
N - Negotiate their needs
G - End with gratitude
By breaking communication down into explicit steps students feel a sense of ease and comfort knowing they are missing any key steps to communicate appropriately.
You can learn more about the P.I.N.G. method by reading our deep dive article here or visiting our printables page to download our communication templates for neurodivergent students.
Step 3: Progress to in-person conversations
Once a positive email relationship is established, encourage students to visit teachers during office hours for in-person discussions.
Role-play these interactions to build confidence.
This usually works best after the student has received a positive or affirming email from their teacher in response to an initial communication.
Teachers can help by replying to students emails and inviting them to come in-person with their requests.
Step 4: Practice proactive communication
As you support students throughout the semester, give them tools to practice proactive communication.
One of the easiest ways to do this is to encourage them to send regular progress updates and ask for feedback. Here is an example of what that can look like:
Subject: Requesting Feedback
Hi (Teacher Name),
I’ve been working on the assignments, (assignment name) for your class and have completed a draft of it.
Would you please review it and provide me with feedback on how I can get closer to achieving my goal of earning a (desired grade) on this assignment?
Also, is there anything else you suggest I do to work toward my goal of earning a (desired grade) in your class?
Thank you for your guidance.
Sincerely,
(Your Name)
Use tools like email templates in Google to streamline this process. Here is a quick video showing you how to set that up 👇
Summary
If you want to be proactive about helping your neurodivergent students learn key communication skills that will empower them for life, try taking these steps today.
Let them know it is ok to communicate via email and you can show them how.
Show them the PING method and have them choose an appropriate template for their needs.
Coach them toward setting up an in-person meeting with their teacher AFTER rapport has been established.
Practice proactive communication using templates throughout the semester
Hope this helps 🤙🏻
P.S. These are skills that executive function coaches work on with their students. If you want to try working on them with your students, consider joining hundreds of other educators and parents who have completed my Semester Success Blueprint Course. In less than 2 hours, this comprehensive course will teach you and your student the system I developed to help hundreds of students learn how to manage school effectively and raise their self-awareness and engagement with school.
About Me
Hey! I'm Sean 👋
I'm a former public school special education teacher who realized that executive function skills are more important than knowing when George Washington crossed the Potomac.
Since then, I've made it my mission to teach anyone who will listen about how to develop these key life skills.
In 2020, I founded Executive Function Specialists to ensure all students with ADHD and Autism have access to high-quality online executive function coaching services. We offer online EF coaching and courses to help students and families.
Realizing I could only reach so many people through coaching, in 2021 I started the Executive Function Coaching Academy which trains schools, educators, and individuals to learn the key strategies to improve executive function skills for students.
In 2023, I co-founded of UpSkill Specialists, to provide neurodivergent adults with high-quality executive function coaching services.
When not pursuing my passions through work, I love spending time with my family, getting exercise, and expanding my brain through reading. You can connect with me on LinkedIn.